I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m afraid of the dark. That’s funny. Not being afraid to say I’m afraid. Anyways, it’s true; I am scared silly by the prospect of being alone in the dark. And this is no funny matter. I have included a small list of things that come to mind for me while I contemplate my adult fear of the dark. Maybe, just maybe, I can work through it.
- Shadows are creepy…..it can be as easy as a distant car driving by and the faint shining of the headlights that hit one of the walls in the house, but let’s face it….it could also be an ominous boogie-man doing shadow puppets to get a rise out of you.
- Strange “house sounds”, you know the ones. They are the sounds of rapping at the window or the side of the house. Sure, they could also be the heater kicking in, but it makes more sense that the same shadow-puppet boogie-man is running a xylophone stick along the side of the house as he skips gleefully around your house in circles, laughing and snorting and looking all crazy. Obviously.
- Dogs barking in the distant. I have dogs, but I KNOW this is spooky. The dogs are trying to warn you that there is something very creepy in your basement…..or your closet, and it’s most likely that bad-ass boogie-man.
- Any scary movie. Ones that particularly come to mind are “It” because clowns are messed up, and the one with the scary kid with cat-eyes and teeth. Why is it that I am afraid of a creepy little cat-kid? Because cats like the dark and I know he’s hiding behind my door.
- Ghosts. They seem to be quite lively in the dark. Which is ironic, since they are dead.
- Pretty much anything that goes on while it is dark (and I happen to be alone, whether it is alone in my bedroom, or completely alone in the house).
Some of the things I do to feel even slightly less frightened include:
- Flashlights….they are everywhere because I realize at some point I have to sleep and that requires lights off. But what if I have to pee? Flashlights.
- A good clear path from the light switch to the bed to make a good, quick dash for under the covers. You’re darn rights I still make the mad dash.
- *not to sound alarming, this only applies in the rare event that I am in the house alone overnight* I keep a sharp kitchen utensil at my bedside.
- As a follow-up to the last point, I realize the kitchen utensil will not “cut it” (pun!) for a ghost, that is why I now have an enchanted tomahawk for such an occasion – which can also be found at bedside. (Apparently enchanted blades can take out ghosts and other spooky beings)
- portable phone near by.
- A text-book. For some reading that will surely put me to sleep.
Once you are done poking fun at my serious affliction, please provide any suggestions. Do I need a Ouija board? A Rabbi? A Ghost Hunter? A Life? Help!