There is light…..I can see it

It’s been a drabby and long, wet, winter. Today the sun has graced us with its presence here in small town. I celebrated by sleeping in (gross – but I worked a 19 hour shift the day before) and took the pups to the dog park. I walked by my chicken coop that I am itching to fill with life (as in chickens) and took mental note of the work I will do on it this Monday.

Chickens are on order for April – can’t wait! But in the meantime I will be occupying myself with getting the garden going and learning more about that. In addition to keeping up with my goals.

The light I am referring to is not only the sunshine: I am talking about breaking through the long and arduous wall that has been keeping me from getting financially stable since this move in November. Moving is hard and a huge financial burden, let alone moving to an island and establishing a job and working all that out. I am days away from being able to let out a huge sigh of relief and hopefully sleep restfully (after celebrating). The thing about money and the stress that accompanies it, is that it is hard to get it out of your mind, especially if you are falling behind. It can be terrifying: how will I make it until ____ date? how will I pay off ____ bill? what about gas for my car? There is always something that comes up it seems.

When we moved, I was in school full-time (correspondence) and had a loan, a small savings and the attitude that I can get a job anywhere. Which is true (to an extent) but what I did not take into account is the possibility that it could take a while to get going. I am grateful and realize how lucky I am, but MAN it’s been a hard few months. So my strategy to get through this all was to keep the best attitude about it as I could. Inevitably it got to me and there were times where I would stress and stress until I made myself sick. What a mess.

But I did keep telling myself that “it has to get better, and it will.”

It did. And I am quite certain it will continue to get better. So the sunshine today has really assisted in not only boosting my vitamin D intake, but also my proverbial spirits. The sun is shining and the weather is sweet my friends. Take some time to appreciate what you have, what you’ve worked for and share it with someone special.

Much love,

-SM

Pushing Boundaries and Zones

I sense a revamp of some of my goals coming on….with the addition of making sufficient time in my life to write on my blog. Just a thought.

So boundaries have been on my mind. We have our own personal boundaries that we operate within, for example how comfortable we are disclosing information to other people, how touchy feely we are, how much we allow work to infiltrate our personal life – these are just a few examples I’ve thought of off the top of my head.

Why have I been thinking about my own boundaries? Well last Sunday I amazed myself. I played in my first ever scrimmage (which was so awesome by the way). Unfortunately this post is not going to focus so much on derby (tossing around the idea of a new blog to follow my progression there in the derby world alone and keeping this one my potpourri of life stuff – thoughts?) What was astonishing to me, was that I went. You see, two days before I was meant to go I learned that the other 5 of my teammates had backed out of the scrimmage and failed to let me know. I was sorely disappointed on many levels. First, it was hard to not take it personally right? Why was I out of the loop? Second, I had taken the day off of work (which I can’t really afford, but soooooooo wanted to go) and would be sitting at home feeling sad about how it might have gone. Third, if I didn’t go to the scrimmage I would have had practice that night, and honestly I really didn’t want to go face the folks that backed out on me.

So, against my personal comfort levels I forced myself to make the journey solo. I was completely terrified and at times felt ridiculous, stupid and that I was going to completely suck when I had to skate. As the day progressed though, I was collecting new friends left and right and by the end of the tremendously LOOOOONG day, I realized I had had one of the best days of just me (and a bunch of new friends) in ages. I certainly had to push myself further outside of my own comfort zone but it was worth it. I strongly recommend daring yourself to explore some unknown waters of your own – incredible feeling at the end of it.

Earlier last week, I took a bunch of extra shifts at my second job (one of these things that sounds great when you need the money) and I have paid with my sanity and sleep deprivation this week for it. This week I have pushed myself to the limit of how much work I can take on and how many hours of sleep I actually HAVE to HAVE in order to function. Lesson learned: be realistic about how much you can really take on.

I will do another post on the other things I’m thinking about!

Happy Friday 🙂
-SM

Diving into 2012…almost literally

It’s the first week of the new year and I couldn’t wait to get it going. I enjoyed the holidays this year, surprisingly more than I usually do, but honestly by New Year’s day I just wanted to get back to business. I know…it sounds crazy. But my logic behind this enthusiasm is to take on some personal challenges I have set for myself. Who can argue that?

I am completely swamped with finishing up courses, writing papers and studying for a terrifying exam on January 14th. I’m also back to training and working at the new job (not the one I really really want yet….fingers still crossed but trying not to dwell on it) and of course roller derby. I got my ass kicked at practice last night. I seriously felt the results of hosting friends for the past four days, indulging and perhaps having a bit too much holiday cheer. But I won’t be too hard on myself, I know we all have our “off” days and tomorrow’s practice will be better.

I am exhausted. It’s been raining like mad the past two days and normally I don’t complain about the rain. I am born and raised on the West Coast of BC – the most beautiful place ever. It is a rainforest and one of the worlds’ largest. But seriously, the last two days have been ridiculous. Extreme rainfall warnings, the road is flooded, my back field is flooded, my shoes were flooded this morning when I stepped into them to let the dogs out for pees. We are on well water, and it’s turned a murky brown and I have to boil it before anything can be done with it. I’m afraid to wash my lovely new white bath towels. *Sigh* I’m so tired and this crazy weather is just weighting me down.

Anyways, now that I’ve nearly finished whining, I wanted to report that I completed one of my New Year’s resolutions for this week already. I have added a new page up at the top (in addition to What’s my deal you ask?, GOALS, there will be NYR) where I will attempt to hold myself publicly accountable for the resolutions I made for myself.

I’ve got to get back to writing for school and although it feels depressingly overwhelming the end is in sight….

AH!

-SM

………..A few things I’ve thought about today…………

So today was a day I woke up feeling motivated by health. This sounds completely sappy, but it’s been an active week (super fun roller derby practice last night) where I’ve been outside a ton and cooking from scratch. But this is not the main topic for why I am writing. The two things I feel compelled to discuss:

1) perseverance

2) Loving yourself (and not necessarily in the “x-rated” way, but go for that too if it makes ya feel good)

per·se·ver·ance

noun

1.

steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

Ok, a steady persistent course of action. Well I consider this to apply to many things we all go through in life – learning, growing, working towards something. I am finding myself bogged down with school, but I know the end is getting closer (freakishly closer when I look at the calendar and my exam schedule) which many people have been there, done that. But I know myself to be the procrastinator-extraordinaire and here I find myself searching for things to do other than write this paper that is hanging over my head. And this isn’t the first time. I tend to do this, avoid something that freaks me out (in this case a big scary psych. paper) until it literally makes me sick. I know right? Like what the heck is my deal. I know I will get it done but it will come at the cost of all nighters in front of my computer screen, stressing myself out. Or maybe not. I just find that academics have never come easy to me, ever, but I guess I keep persevering through it to reach a goal. So maybe I just answered my own question/dilemma/addressed my problem. Working hard and pushing through it all is the only way it’ll happen despite the discouragement I’m feeling. Ugh. Sorry this wasn’t meant to be a downer, more of a “real life experience” that I’m sure everyone feels. Overwhelmed and freaked out.

My second topic: Loving yourself, was inspired by a Television commercial I heard today while wandering the house procrastinating (well I wasn’t aimlessly wandering, I was doing random chores). The commercial was for a beauty product (can’t recall what exactly, some sort of face stuff) and what I heard was something along the lines of

“Research has now proven that by age 20 your skin begins to act/feel/look older”

Excuse me?

There is more than just one thing wrong with this statement. The first being, way to shamelessly market your product to teens (because surely they must jump on board before they hit the dreaded……20th birthday) by spending their allowance on overpriced chemicals to coat their faces with.

The second is, shouldn’t our skin act/feel/look older along with the rest of our biological makeup because we ARE aging. This doesn’t necessarily mean 20 year olds will get wrinkly (unless they are addicted to tanning beds), but according to science I am pretty sure that our whole body is meant to age right along with us, face and all. Just saying.

And the third problem I have with this add, and many more just like it, are that I am tired of being told/brainwashed that we should try to defy the natural process of aging. Yes I believe in leading a healthy lifestyle, but I refuse to buy into “age defying” makeup and magical potions that promise to keep me looking young. Seriously, what the hell is a chemical peel and why would I ever want one? I am just not a fan of trying to trick myself into thinking I won’t age if I cake some over priced crap on to my face. And I don’t think it is fair that women & men have been subjected to such a superficial world where this is all “normal”. Somehow I have found myself smack in the middle of rant.
I think what I’m really getting at, is that you can buy all the age defying potions you want, but at the end of the day do you love the way you look in the mirror? If yes, than great! But I suspect that there may be a slippery slope with all of these targeted marketing campaigns……when is it enough? I know that I am not a beauty queen by media standards, but I like what I’ve got going on and to me that is what matters. Of course there are parts of me I wish were skinnier, or smoother or whatever, but I still think I’m awesome and I ain’t afraid to say it. I encourage everyone to write down an ongoing list of attributes that you love about yourself. Start with a minimum of 5 and look over them often.

Oh ok, I’ll go ahead and get the ball rolling:

1) I have nice thick hair

2) I am tall and I like that

3) I like my freckles

4) My eyebrows seem to naturally shape themselves, and I like that too

5) I like my legs

***disclaimer***

*no, I’m not an ego maniac, just someone who isn’t afraid to be bold about being awesome*

-SM